SA PUA Forums

Hi to all the PUAs who tune into my blog. We have launched a new web site for South African PUAs. Here’s the website.  http://www.africapickupartist.co.za/lounge/index.php

"Just be confident."

“Just be confident.”, “Just be yourself.”

Before we got into the game these two pieces of advice were what we heard from our friends and family before we went up and attempted to bridge that infinite gap between you and that girl across the room. It is also most probably the worst piece of advice anyone could ever give you.

It’s  all well and good knowing you have to be confident, what fucking sucks though is the fact that you have absolutely no idea HOW to be confident. This was a big issue for me. I just didn’t know how to become confident. Even if I did eventually become confident, how would I know??

I’m sure a lot of you aren’t entirely sure what confidence is exactly and how to actually achieve self-confidence. So what I’ve done is put together a formula on how self-confidence is reached. Each stage is a process that can only be reached once you have achieved the previous stage.  There are 5 stages in this process to becoming confident.

What is confidence? It is, basically, a sense of pride for one’s self. In order to reach self-pride one needs reason to feel proud. When you are in a position of failure it is very hard to feel proud and therefor impossible to feel confident. This is the major issue that we all face and the origin on low self-esteem.

Failure

This is the first stage. It is very hard to become confident in one’s self when one is a failure. The first step is to acknowledge that there is something wrong. The acceptance of your own failure and downfalls and insecurity is vital if we wish to progress. Accept the fact that you suck with women. accept the fact that you come across as weird and accept the fact that at times people don’t like you and want to be around you. Once you have accepted these faults of yourself you will be able to take a step back and ask yourself “Do I want to change and if so, how do I do so?”

Why do we fail?

The answer is simple. You are doing all the AFC things that you used to doing such as leaning in, coming across as creepy and showing the girl that you are trying to get somewhere with here. Bad body language to plays a major part. This is the reason why we fail, because we do the wrong things. Once we realise that it’s our actions that causes failure, not our personalities, We can ask ourselves “How do we stop doing all the wrong things and start doing all the right things?”

We change                                                                                            

Change                                                                                                           

Change is longest and most trying part of your journey to self-confidence. For us as PUAs it is the journey through pickup itself. By acknowledging our faults we can begin to ask ourselves, “How do we change these faults?”

Physical change and doing all the right things

These changes include all the practical elements you’ve learnt in pickup such as fashion style, correct body language, learning how to open and close women. This change comes with lots and lots of practice and trial and error. This however recommends us to put ourselves in a state of failure. As we all know, nobody in pickup has ever gotten it right the first time. So alongside the physical changes we also go through emotional sifts and changes within our mind set. These changes enable us to become more efficient in the sarge and with more practice we eventually reach a level of success with women.

Success

Now that we have reached a level of success in our outer game we slowly begin to realise that all the stuff we are now doing this the right stuff and it is getting the right results. It also enables us to happily accept ourselves as successful individuals. We feel good about ourselves and accept our selves.

Self-acceptance

Now that we are able to accept ourselves as individuals thanks to our level of success, we need to look at all the things that we could not change about ourselves like some physical characteristics. We need to accept that they are a part of who we are and reassure ourselves that even though we might have these characteristic that we don’t particularly like, we still have the ability to be successful. Once you no longer have those insecurities you can turn them into positive characteristics and not just accept yourself for who you are but also be proud to be who you are

Self-pride

This is the final stage before reaching self-confidence. Once you can look at yourself and fully accept who you are, you can start to feel proud that the person who you are is successful and without insecurities. Yes you may have big ears, but you are the coolest guy with ears that girl will ever meet. And that in itself allows you stand apart from any other guy out there. Once you can take your insecurities and own then with proudly simply because they are a part of you and who you are is awesome.

Self-confidence

 Self-confidence is the final stage one can reach and the goal of all individuals.  You know you’ve reached this level when if asked “What don’t you like about yourself?” the answer is nothing. There is nothing I don’t like about myself. This is when you know you have reached a level of ultimate self confidence

There are some who believe that confidence comes with a wave of motivation. That one little philosophy or mind set will give us unstoppable confidence.  This is not true. Acquiring confidence is a process  long process. It is a journey that is not at all easy. It entails many failures along the way but like all journeys one must start somewhere. If we can accept who we are and be proud of that person, confidence is ours.

Enter the Asshole.

2010-05-08

It was a Saturday night and the club was a packed variety of the thumping sound of royal K, wafting puffs of cigarette smoke and the ever alluring scent of spilt beer. I hadn’t entirely clicked to this whole asshole thing just yet and I knew it was going to cause problem s later on in my development as a PUA. “Just don’t give a fuck’ they said. How do I just not give a fuck? Is it even possible to not just give a fuck? Regardless of what I thought, the point was that little AFC Khyle was still roaming around up in my head, and he had to go.

My problem was this: in order to attract women, one must come across unlike another guy. That was achieved by acquiring a cocky yet humours attitude towards the girls. I had to tease them as if teasing my younger sister. This was harder than it actually seemed simply because I had no intentions of fucking my sister yet all the intention of fucking these girls. You just didn’t rip off the girl you wanted to bang. It wasn’t done. People taught me to be a gentleman. To open doors for girls and give them compliments. They taught me wrong. Women do not respond to such gentlemanly conduct in fact, if anything , they see it as weakness. When a man willingly buys a woman a drink the message is simple, “I’m trying to get into your pants.”   Even if that isn’t really the man’s true intentions, the women on the other  hand, due to many past experience with guys who have succeed in fucking her using this tactic, will immediately assume the man expects sex. In a split second the man has become absolutely powerless and the fate of his sex full or sex less night is now in the hands of the female. Most likely, he will be squashed like a bug. I could not be one o these average frustrated chumps. I had to stand out somehow and at the same time attracted women. this whole cocky funny attitude was the way. The problem was, there was a major metal block in my head that prevented me from reaching that point. I was being anchored down by my AFC self. The 8^th of May 2010 was the night I would cut those ties and drift off to the land of the assholes.

Danielle was a short girl with a cute face and a bob of gleaming chocolate brown hair. She had an adorable body that suited her peculiar personality. She was an odd girl who’s strangeness only helped to create even a more powerful and enchanting sex appeal. She spent most of the night with me, giving IOI after IOI. Constantly touching my chest as she spoke, finding any excuse to touch me at all. She was a physical girl and would most likely have made out with me. Although I knew she was interested, her personality was odd. She often only said half sentences and then carried on dancing as if she had said nothing at all. We didn’t really talk much and all in all the whole interaction was pretty boring. Eventually, after sometime of wordless dancing she leant in and said “Just to let you know, I don’t want to get with you but I think you are cute and I’m standing with you.” I don’t know if she was drunk or not. The way she spoke it seemed like it. The fact that she said something about getting with me meant that she wanted to get with me. I knew she wanted me.

I looked at her. Time to try out some of the cocky funny, “Don’t worry you wouldn’t be that lucky.” I managed to blurt out. She pressed her lips together and looked away disapprovingly. I managed the cocky, but I don’t where the fuck the funny went. I was a afraid I had messed it up. I had spent so much of my time trying to make out with this girl and in one fucking line I’d blown it.

“We will do it later.” she said loudly over the music.

“Do what?”

“The lucky thing/”

I was still in. it wasn’t over yet. At first I was afraid that I wasn’t going to kiss this girl but after I led her off the dance to a more isolated area we did eventually make out.

Even though we did kiss I didn’t feel as if I had succeeded. Sure we made out, but I wasn’t any close to mastering tis whole cocky funny thing. We both knew for the moment we got onto that dance floor that we were going to hook up. It was predictable and because it was predictable it was boring. Yes there was attraction yes, but no chemistry. Much like cocky without funny. It’s douchey and boring. Id learnt a great lesson from this experience. Id realised that getting the kiss wasn’t all that exciting. What I really loved about this whole game was building up that attraction in women and indulging myself in the thrill of the chase

I spent the rest of the night with my best friend Brendan. I’d known Brendan for 5 years, thick as thieves we were. We got into the game and the same time and not surprisingly he clicked to the whole asshole theory before I did. In fact if it weren’t for him I only would’ve clicked much later.

It was 11:30 when I walked outside and stopped him and some other friends of mine from school. They were all great guys but only Brendan and I knew about pickup. I trotted over, slightly tipsy, to where they were standing. We were fucking around and shooting shit when Brendan turned and started talking to these two girls behind him. Apparently we knew them from a party we went to a while back. We had a ‘wow I can’t believe it’s you’ moment . Sara was a tall pretty brunet and Jamie was a short sexy blond. I always liked short girls. I don’t know what it is about petite ladies that I like so much but they just did something for me.  I had to try this cocky funny thing but I was stuck in a type of nonversation. I had to break it and go cocky funny.

“Hey where did you get your glow bangle from?” I asked

Jamie smiled “From a friend.”

“Awesome. Give me one.”

Jamie pulled the band away “No! They are mine”

This was it. I gasped with a broad smile “You are such a little shit! I don’t like you anymore. I like your friend better.” I said in a cocky funny tone as I turned towards Sara.

“No don’t be like that!” Jamie squeaked as she came around to stand back in my line of vision. I was starting to see the effects of this whole cocky funny thing. It almost seemed to put me in control. We spoke for a bit and I did my usual cold reading routine on Jamie. She love it and heckled me for more.

“Wow slow down there. I’m not a fortune cookie.” more cocky funny. We spoke some more and Jamie started to show me some promising kino. Even Sara was being cool about the chemistry building up between Jaime and I and every time I looked at Sara she gave me a look that suggested I hook up with Jamie. Eventually Sara asked Brendan and I if we were going to ask for their numbers.

I looked at her and raised an eyebrow “what makes you think I want your number”

“Do you have Facebook? Please invite me” Jamie piped up with admirable enthusiasm

Me pretending to think “I’ll think about it.”

Jamie broke out into a smile “you’re such a dickhead man!”

“I’m not a dickhead! I’m an asshole. There’s a difference you know.

“Oh really, what’s the difference?”

“The word asshole just sounds so much more appealing don’t you think?”

Sara laughed “Fine then you’re an asshole.”

“Dam right.” I raised my beer in salute. Jamie laughed with her hand on my chest while Sara bit her bottom lip and gave me a look that made me think she was going to jump my bones and any moment. I think I was clicking to this funny cocky concept.

“Ok fine” I said in a surrendering tone “just to save you guys the effort you can have our numbers” Brendan and I handed our phones over.

“Help me put my number in” Jamie asked me as moved closer pressing her breasts against my shoulder. We exchanged numbers.

At this point two guys wandered into the set and tried desperately  to suck up and gain Jamie’s attention but all she wanted was mine. Brendan and I delightfully AMOGed them  out of the set. After some more chit chat Jamie went to go say hi to a friend. I sat with Sara and she told me that Jamie wanted to hook up with me.

“I can see that she does” I told Sara.

She looked at me slightly confused “So why don’t you?”

“If a girl like me she should come and get me. I don’t case girls.”

Sara gave me that seductive look again “that’s cool”

I looked over my shoulder and saw Jamie trotting back. She bounced over to me and I put an arm around the waist. She responded by doing the same.

“Do you know what your friend told me?” I asked

“What?”

“That I should get with you tonight”

The cute little blond liked her lips and smiled. I was in.

“You know I’m leaving soon and I might not see you for a while”

She looked at me with concern, then she came closer and began bridging that seemingly infinite gap between the lips of a male and female “I think we can make out now” she said.

I put my hand on her neck, brushed my lips against hers and enjoyed the benefits of being a pickup artist.

I had finally clicked to the whole asshole concept. It was all about pretending to be on a pedestal and teasing the girl like she was a little bratty sister. Ever since I had this experience I have been using cocky funny in every sarge I’ve done. Nowadays it just became a natural reaction to tease girls whether I’m sarging them or not. For me this was the first step to integrating all the fundamentals of pickup into unconscious competence.