"Just be confident."

“Just be confident.”, “Just be yourself.”

Before we got into the game these two pieces of advice were what we heard from our friends and family before we went up and attempted to bridge that infinite gap between you and that girl across the room. It is also most probably the worst piece of advice anyone could ever give you.

It’s  all well and good knowing you have to be confident, what fucking sucks though is the fact that you have absolutely no idea HOW to be confident. This was a big issue for me. I just didn’t know how to become confident. Even if I did eventually become confident, how would I know??

I’m sure a lot of you aren’t entirely sure what confidence is exactly and how to actually achieve self-confidence. So what I’ve done is put together a formula on how self-confidence is reached. Each stage is a process that can only be reached once you have achieved the previous stage.  There are 5 stages in this process to becoming confident.

What is confidence? It is, basically, a sense of pride for one’s self. In order to reach self-pride one needs reason to feel proud. When you are in a position of failure it is very hard to feel proud and therefor impossible to feel confident. This is the major issue that we all face and the origin on low self-esteem.

Failure

This is the first stage. It is very hard to become confident in one’s self when one is a failure. The first step is to acknowledge that there is something wrong. The acceptance of your own failure and downfalls and insecurity is vital if we wish to progress. Accept the fact that you suck with women. accept the fact that you come across as weird and accept the fact that at times people don’t like you and want to be around you. Once you have accepted these faults of yourself you will be able to take a step back and ask yourself “Do I want to change and if so, how do I do so?”

Why do we fail?

The answer is simple. You are doing all the AFC things that you used to doing such as leaning in, coming across as creepy and showing the girl that you are trying to get somewhere with here. Bad body language to plays a major part. This is the reason why we fail, because we do the wrong things. Once we realise that it’s our actions that causes failure, not our personalities, We can ask ourselves “How do we stop doing all the wrong things and start doing all the right things?”

We change                                                                                            

Change                                                                                                           

Change is longest and most trying part of your journey to self-confidence. For us as PUAs it is the journey through pickup itself. By acknowledging our faults we can begin to ask ourselves, “How do we change these faults?”

Physical change and doing all the right things

These changes include all the practical elements you’ve learnt in pickup such as fashion style, correct body language, learning how to open and close women. This change comes with lots and lots of practice and trial and error. This however recommends us to put ourselves in a state of failure. As we all know, nobody in pickup has ever gotten it right the first time. So alongside the physical changes we also go through emotional sifts and changes within our mind set. These changes enable us to become more efficient in the sarge and with more practice we eventually reach a level of success with women.

Success

Now that we have reached a level of success in our outer game we slowly begin to realise that all the stuff we are now doing this the right stuff and it is getting the right results. It also enables us to happily accept ourselves as successful individuals. We feel good about ourselves and accept our selves.

Self-acceptance

Now that we are able to accept ourselves as individuals thanks to our level of success, we need to look at all the things that we could not change about ourselves like some physical characteristics. We need to accept that they are a part of who we are and reassure ourselves that even though we might have these characteristic that we don’t particularly like, we still have the ability to be successful. Once you no longer have those insecurities you can turn them into positive characteristics and not just accept yourself for who you are but also be proud to be who you are

Self-pride

This is the final stage before reaching self-confidence. Once you can look at yourself and fully accept who you are, you can start to feel proud that the person who you are is successful and without insecurities. Yes you may have big ears, but you are the coolest guy with ears that girl will ever meet. And that in itself allows you stand apart from any other guy out there. Once you can take your insecurities and own then with proudly simply because they are a part of you and who you are is awesome.

Self-confidence

 Self-confidence is the final stage one can reach and the goal of all individuals.  You know you’ve reached this level when if asked “What don’t you like about yourself?” the answer is nothing. There is nothing I don’t like about myself. This is when you know you have reached a level of ultimate self confidence

There are some who believe that confidence comes with a wave of motivation. That one little philosophy or mind set will give us unstoppable confidence.  This is not true. Acquiring confidence is a process  long process. It is a journey that is not at all easy. It entails many failures along the way but like all journeys one must start somewhere. If we can accept who we are and be proud of that person, confidence is ours.