The Perfect Mind-set

the perfect mind-set

A lot of us in the game use personal visualisation techniques and mind-sets that help us bridge that gap on the approach. What I have learnt is that visualisation is an extremely powerful tool when it comes to mental strength. If you visualise yourself succeeding then you are most likely to succeed. 

These visualisation techniques can be extremely effective if used properly and can help a person develop some pretty incredible mind sets.

Personally I like to stay away from the mind sets that are a bit to unrealistic such as

-Believing that you are 10 meters tall and made of gold or diamond

-Believing that every single girl in the club wants to sleep with you

-Believing that you can seduce and close any girl you want

These mind-sets, although they make you feel empowered in the moment, don’t last long. As we are midway through our opener we tend to forget that we are 10 meters tall and made of gold so these mind sets aren’t very solid. The reason for is because they can never be a reality and by you trying to believe it is incongruent

For a mind-set to have full effect it needs to be fuelled by something realistic and achievable. This allows for a level of self-congruency. Some examples for congruent mind-sets would be:

-“I am a pickup artist and therefore have an advantage over every man in this club”

-“I have the ability to approach and speak to any women here and nobody can stop me”

-Thinking about your past success with women and how every single success started with an opener

-Thinking about how good and empowered you are going to feel after opening your next set

All these mind-sets are realistic and congruence with your capabilities. You don’t have to pretend to be awesome because you can actually BE awesome. This is what makes these mind-sets so powerful. It is the fact they are based on real truths, not make belief day dreams. When I started using congruent mind-sets I actually started seeing myself achieve them. The first one I ever used was the “I have the ability to approach any woman I want and nobody can stop me.” mind set. When I first started out I emotionally could NOT live up to this mind-set, however as my game got better I realise that the mind-set that was once an impossibility had now become my reality.

What I also noticed was that these mind-sets did not take my AA away immediately. It took time to for me to gain un breakable confidence. So when you see PUA adverts that promise alpha male mind-sets in a single night, know that its bullshit. There is no magical frame of mind that changes a person overnight. Getting rid of AA an BUILDING UP confidence takes times, not an overnight epiphany

For me personally, the use of congruent mind-sets really helped me push through my AA days.

SA PUA Forums

Hi to all the PUAs who tune into my blog. We have launched a new web site for South African PUAs. Here’s the website.  http://www.africapickupartist.co.za/lounge/index.php

"Just be confident."

“Just be confident.”, “Just be yourself.”

Before we got into the game these two pieces of advice were what we heard from our friends and family before we went up and attempted to bridge that infinite gap between you and that girl across the room. It is also most probably the worst piece of advice anyone could ever give you.

It’s  all well and good knowing you have to be confident, what fucking sucks though is the fact that you have absolutely no idea HOW to be confident. This was a big issue for me. I just didn’t know how to become confident. Even if I did eventually become confident, how would I know??

I’m sure a lot of you aren’t entirely sure what confidence is exactly and how to actually achieve self-confidence. So what I’ve done is put together a formula on how self-confidence is reached. Each stage is a process that can only be reached once you have achieved the previous stage.  There are 5 stages in this process to becoming confident.

What is confidence? It is, basically, a sense of pride for one’s self. In order to reach self-pride one needs reason to feel proud. When you are in a position of failure it is very hard to feel proud and therefor impossible to feel confident. This is the major issue that we all face and the origin on low self-esteem.

Failure

This is the first stage. It is very hard to become confident in one’s self when one is a failure. The first step is to acknowledge that there is something wrong. The acceptance of your own failure and downfalls and insecurity is vital if we wish to progress. Accept the fact that you suck with women. accept the fact that you come across as weird and accept the fact that at times people don’t like you and want to be around you. Once you have accepted these faults of yourself you will be able to take a step back and ask yourself “Do I want to change and if so, how do I do so?”

Why do we fail?

The answer is simple. You are doing all the AFC things that you used to doing such as leaning in, coming across as creepy and showing the girl that you are trying to get somewhere with here. Bad body language to plays a major part. This is the reason why we fail, because we do the wrong things. Once we realise that it’s our actions that causes failure, not our personalities, We can ask ourselves “How do we stop doing all the wrong things and start doing all the right things?”

We change                                                                                            

Change                                                                                                           

Change is longest and most trying part of your journey to self-confidence. For us as PUAs it is the journey through pickup itself. By acknowledging our faults we can begin to ask ourselves, “How do we change these faults?”

Physical change and doing all the right things

These changes include all the practical elements you’ve learnt in pickup such as fashion style, correct body language, learning how to open and close women. This change comes with lots and lots of practice and trial and error. This however recommends us to put ourselves in a state of failure. As we all know, nobody in pickup has ever gotten it right the first time. So alongside the physical changes we also go through emotional sifts and changes within our mind set. These changes enable us to become more efficient in the sarge and with more practice we eventually reach a level of success with women.

Success

Now that we have reached a level of success in our outer game we slowly begin to realise that all the stuff we are now doing this the right stuff and it is getting the right results. It also enables us to happily accept ourselves as successful individuals. We feel good about ourselves and accept our selves.

Self-acceptance

Now that we are able to accept ourselves as individuals thanks to our level of success, we need to look at all the things that we could not change about ourselves like some physical characteristics. We need to accept that they are a part of who we are and reassure ourselves that even though we might have these characteristic that we don’t particularly like, we still have the ability to be successful. Once you no longer have those insecurities you can turn them into positive characteristics and not just accept yourself for who you are but also be proud to be who you are

Self-pride

This is the final stage before reaching self-confidence. Once you can look at yourself and fully accept who you are, you can start to feel proud that the person who you are is successful and without insecurities. Yes you may have big ears, but you are the coolest guy with ears that girl will ever meet. And that in itself allows you stand apart from any other guy out there. Once you can take your insecurities and own then with proudly simply because they are a part of you and who you are is awesome.

Self-confidence

 Self-confidence is the final stage one can reach and the goal of all individuals.  You know you’ve reached this level when if asked “What don’t you like about yourself?” the answer is nothing. There is nothing I don’t like about myself. This is when you know you have reached a level of ultimate self confidence

There are some who believe that confidence comes with a wave of motivation. That one little philosophy or mind set will give us unstoppable confidence.  This is not true. Acquiring confidence is a process  long process. It is a journey that is not at all easy. It entails many failures along the way but like all journeys one must start somewhere. If we can accept who we are and be proud of that person, confidence is ours.

Enter the Asshole.

2010-05-08

It was a Saturday night and the club was a packed variety of the thumping sound of royal K, wafting puffs of cigarette smoke and the ever alluring scent of spilt beer. I hadn’t entirely clicked to this whole asshole thing just yet and I knew it was going to cause problem s later on in my development as a PUA. “Just don’t give a fuck’ they said. How do I just not give a fuck? Is it even possible to not just give a fuck? Regardless of what I thought, the point was that little AFC Khyle was still roaming around up in my head, and he had to go.

My problem was this: in order to attract women, one must come across unlike another guy. That was achieved by acquiring a cocky yet humours attitude towards the girls. I had to tease them as if teasing my younger sister. This was harder than it actually seemed simply because I had no intentions of fucking my sister yet all the intention of fucking these girls. You just didn’t rip off the girl you wanted to bang. It wasn’t done. People taught me to be a gentleman. To open doors for girls and give them compliments. They taught me wrong. Women do not respond to such gentlemanly conduct in fact, if anything , they see it as weakness. When a man willingly buys a woman a drink the message is simple, “I’m trying to get into your pants.”   Even if that isn’t really the man’s true intentions, the women on the other  hand, due to many past experience with guys who have succeed in fucking her using this tactic, will immediately assume the man expects sex. In a split second the man has become absolutely powerless and the fate of his sex full or sex less night is now in the hands of the female. Most likely, he will be squashed like a bug. I could not be one o these average frustrated chumps. I had to stand out somehow and at the same time attracted women. this whole cocky funny attitude was the way. The problem was, there was a major metal block in my head that prevented me from reaching that point. I was being anchored down by my AFC self. The 8^th of May 2010 was the night I would cut those ties and drift off to the land of the assholes.

Danielle was a short girl with a cute face and a bob of gleaming chocolate brown hair. She had an adorable body that suited her peculiar personality. She was an odd girl who’s strangeness only helped to create even a more powerful and enchanting sex appeal. She spent most of the night with me, giving IOI after IOI. Constantly touching my chest as she spoke, finding any excuse to touch me at all. She was a physical girl and would most likely have made out with me. Although I knew she was interested, her personality was odd. She often only said half sentences and then carried on dancing as if she had said nothing at all. We didn’t really talk much and all in all the whole interaction was pretty boring. Eventually, after sometime of wordless dancing she leant in and said “Just to let you know, I don’t want to get with you but I think you are cute and I’m standing with you.” I don’t know if she was drunk or not. The way she spoke it seemed like it. The fact that she said something about getting with me meant that she wanted to get with me. I knew she wanted me.

I looked at her. Time to try out some of the cocky funny, “Don’t worry you wouldn’t be that lucky.” I managed to blurt out. She pressed her lips together and looked away disapprovingly. I managed the cocky, but I don’t where the fuck the funny went. I was a afraid I had messed it up. I had spent so much of my time trying to make out with this girl and in one fucking line I’d blown it.

“We will do it later.” she said loudly over the music.

“Do what?”

“The lucky thing/”

I was still in. it wasn’t over yet. At first I was afraid that I wasn’t going to kiss this girl but after I led her off the dance to a more isolated area we did eventually make out.

Even though we did kiss I didn’t feel as if I had succeeded. Sure we made out, but I wasn’t any close to mastering tis whole cocky funny thing. We both knew for the moment we got onto that dance floor that we were going to hook up. It was predictable and because it was predictable it was boring. Yes there was attraction yes, but no chemistry. Much like cocky without funny. It’s douchey and boring. Id learnt a great lesson from this experience. Id realised that getting the kiss wasn’t all that exciting. What I really loved about this whole game was building up that attraction in women and indulging myself in the thrill of the chase

I spent the rest of the night with my best friend Brendan. I’d known Brendan for 5 years, thick as thieves we were. We got into the game and the same time and not surprisingly he clicked to the whole asshole theory before I did. In fact if it weren’t for him I only would’ve clicked much later.

It was 11:30 when I walked outside and stopped him and some other friends of mine from school. They were all great guys but only Brendan and I knew about pickup. I trotted over, slightly tipsy, to where they were standing. We were fucking around and shooting shit when Brendan turned and started talking to these two girls behind him. Apparently we knew them from a party we went to a while back. We had a ‘wow I can’t believe it’s you’ moment . Sara was a tall pretty brunet and Jamie was a short sexy blond. I always liked short girls. I don’t know what it is about petite ladies that I like so much but they just did something for me.  I had to try this cocky funny thing but I was stuck in a type of nonversation. I had to break it and go cocky funny.

“Hey where did you get your glow bangle from?” I asked

Jamie smiled “From a friend.”

“Awesome. Give me one.”

Jamie pulled the band away “No! They are mine”

This was it. I gasped with a broad smile “You are such a little shit! I don’t like you anymore. I like your friend better.” I said in a cocky funny tone as I turned towards Sara.

“No don’t be like that!” Jamie squeaked as she came around to stand back in my line of vision. I was starting to see the effects of this whole cocky funny thing. It almost seemed to put me in control. We spoke for a bit and I did my usual cold reading routine on Jamie. She love it and heckled me for more.

“Wow slow down there. I’m not a fortune cookie.” more cocky funny. We spoke some more and Jamie started to show me some promising kino. Even Sara was being cool about the chemistry building up between Jaime and I and every time I looked at Sara she gave me a look that suggested I hook up with Jamie. Eventually Sara asked Brendan and I if we were going to ask for their numbers.

I looked at her and raised an eyebrow “what makes you think I want your number”

“Do you have Facebook? Please invite me” Jamie piped up with admirable enthusiasm

Me pretending to think “I’ll think about it.”

Jamie broke out into a smile “you’re such a dickhead man!”

“I’m not a dickhead! I’m an asshole. There’s a difference you know.

“Oh really, what’s the difference?”

“The word asshole just sounds so much more appealing don’t you think?”

Sara laughed “Fine then you’re an asshole.”

“Dam right.” I raised my beer in salute. Jamie laughed with her hand on my chest while Sara bit her bottom lip and gave me a look that made me think she was going to jump my bones and any moment. I think I was clicking to this funny cocky concept.

“Ok fine” I said in a surrendering tone “just to save you guys the effort you can have our numbers” Brendan and I handed our phones over.

“Help me put my number in” Jamie asked me as moved closer pressing her breasts against my shoulder. We exchanged numbers.

At this point two guys wandered into the set and tried desperately  to suck up and gain Jamie’s attention but all she wanted was mine. Brendan and I delightfully AMOGed them  out of the set. After some more chit chat Jamie went to go say hi to a friend. I sat with Sara and she told me that Jamie wanted to hook up with me.

“I can see that she does” I told Sara.

She looked at me slightly confused “So why don’t you?”

“If a girl like me she should come and get me. I don’t case girls.”

Sara gave me that seductive look again “that’s cool”

I looked over my shoulder and saw Jamie trotting back. She bounced over to me and I put an arm around the waist. She responded by doing the same.

“Do you know what your friend told me?” I asked

“What?”

“That I should get with you tonight”

The cute little blond liked her lips and smiled. I was in.

“You know I’m leaving soon and I might not see you for a while”

She looked at me with concern, then she came closer and began bridging that seemingly infinite gap between the lips of a male and female “I think we can make out now” she said.

I put my hand on her neck, brushed my lips against hers and enjoyed the benefits of being a pickup artist.

I had finally clicked to the whole asshole concept. It was all about pretending to be on a pedestal and teasing the girl like she was a little bratty sister. Ever since I had this experience I have been using cocky funny in every sarge I’ve done. Nowadays it just became a natural reaction to tease girls whether I’m sarging them or not. For me this was the first step to integrating all the fundamentals of pickup into unconscious competence.

Mastering Push Pull

Many PUAs have heard of the term push pull. For those of you who haven’t, push pull is a method that incorporates the basic generator of attraction. For you MM fans, you would know this as cat-string method.

Push pull is by far one of the most effective attraction building techniques there is. It is built around the concept that if you show interest in the girl, then straight after you cut off that interest, it will generate attraction. Basically push pull is disqualifying and qualifying the girl at the right time.

Let’s look at some analogies. To understand push pull, it’s easiest to imagine that women are like fires. To keep the attraction burning, we need to give it fuel (attention/qualification). This represents pull. But if we give to much fuel, the attraction will suffocate and die or get out of control. In order to keep the fire going steady and under control, we need to limit the amount of fuel it gets (ignorance/disqualification). However, if we neglect to give the fire any fuel, it will eventually burn out and die.

This same principal applies to women. if you give a girl to much attention and qualification you will come across as needy and she will either leave o try take advantage of it. But if you limit you’re the amount of attention you give to her the attraction (fire) will burn longer. When you see that she is losing interest due to lack of attention, you give her some attention (fuel) in order to keep her going. 

This is a technique that has been used by almost every PUA.

Why does it work?

Now that you understand what push pull is exactly, let us explore how it psychologically effects women. By using push pull, you put the girl through a series of conflicting thoughts and emotions. “At first he seems interested, then all of a sudden he shows that he isn’t interested. I can’t figure this guy out.” this is what most women might think should she experience the push pull effect. By arousing conflicting thoughts and emotions, this puts the women in a state of slight confusion and makes you come across as unpredictable and mysterious, two characteristics which most women are naturally attracted too. Push pull works on many attraction switches. By pushing her you are showing that you are unlike any other guy and for the first time she has met a guy who actually isn’t interested in her. Once she has realised this she might think that she is doing something wrong and form there on in she will work for your attention. This thought in her head is the seed of attraction. She works for your attention by asking questions, trying to talk to you exclusively and showing IOIs. By DQing her even further, she will try even harder and when you do eventually qualify her, she will be ecstatic.

How to apply push pull effectively.

When it comes to push pull, it is essential that you know how to apply it properly and we do this by changing our level of energy and tonality.

Your level of energy is basically your level of enthusiasm. If you are very active and enthusiastic then your LOE will be very high. If you are more serious and relaxed your LOE is low. So if we were at a house party and everyone was drunk and shouting and dancing, the LOE would be extremely high. But if you were at garden party or a braai the LOE would be low. In order to be an effective calibration PUA, you need to be able to identify the LOE of your sets in order to effectively communicate with them or get on their level.

Tonality enables you to do this. Your tone is the way in which you express your LOE through your body language and voice. High tonality would include more active body language and a louder more enthusiastic voice along with more expressiveness. Low tonality would express slower body movement, lower volume of voice and a slower speed of speech.

Now that you understand what tonality and level of energy (LOE) is, you can learn how to incorporate it with push pull.

Push should have a higher LOE and tonality than pull. By DQing and teasing with a fun high tonality and enthusiastic LOE, your push will be a lot more effective. The same concept applies to pull. By lowering your tonality and LOE, it’s easier and effective to qualify her and build report with her. This maximises the effect of your pull.

What I have noticed about push pull is that both have very different natures. The nature of push is more high energy and happens in short bursts of DQs, teases and negs done with a playful attitude. Pull on the other hand is more constant and works most effectively in report building through stories told with a more chilled out tonality and LOE.

By mastering your ability to control your tonality and LOE, you will be able to effectively use the method of push pull to its maximum potential. Mastering push pull will give you a massive edge in your game as it touches one of the major key points in seduction, attraction. By mastering push pull, one can master attraction.  

Calibration Game. Natural vs Un-natural and the Importance of Both.

It seems that many people are still debating over which style of game is better: Routine game or natural game. As it turns out, this conflict has been raging for quite some time now and has gathered many supporters on both sides. I understand from a marketing and financial point of view it is only inevitable that such conflicts arise. However I have never supported the act of dogmatism or bias towards one method or another. I strongly believe that in order to become a true master of pick up one must have learnt and mastered a part of every method. This is exactly what Neil Strauss (Style) did and we all know how he turned out: ranked number one PUA in the world after only two years in the game. And I’m sure many of you who have been in the game for more than two years are wondering why you aren’t on his level. In this article, that question, along with many others, will be answered.

Going back to the major conflicts we find in the game, we see that the major one at the moment is between naturals and the un-naturals. Those who believe only in pre-written game plans and those who just go with the flow. Basically, its between routines and natural game.

personally, as a pickup artist, I naturally gravitate to the things that I know can benefit me and discard the things I know that cant. And after looking at both the methodologies of natural and un natural game and putting both methods into practice, I have come to realise one thing. Both methods are missing crucial components, components which, oddly, the opposing method has.  In basic terms, each method is like a puzzle piece, they can exist in isolation, but it is only once we put them together that we understand the big picture.

To fully understand this we must dive into the mechanics of both natural game and un-natural game in order to understand both their natures.

Natural game.

Natural game is built on the concept that routines and canned material only limit the PUA when it comes to social mastery. This is because they believe that life isn’t perfect and that it is impossible to foresee the future dynamics of an interaction. It is also believed that not all women will respond the same way to same routine so it is better to understand the concept behind attraction and put into practice the concept instead of just a canned line. The third belief is that routines are limited to there quantity. In other words, once you run out of routines you’re fucked.

Pros- Natural game teaches you how to understand the concept of attraction techniques and by doing so also teaches you how to become socially calibrated. (being able to adapt and respond accordingly to unforeseen social situations). By being able to understand the concepts of the game, one can formulate his own routines according to the situation. I have always believed that the best method is that suited to the nature of the situation. And this is what natural game teaches.

Cons- It is extremely hard to learn and to teach. Imagine you have a student that is totally introverted to the extent that he finds it difficult to talk to his house pets (over exaggeration). Now imagine trying to teach him the concept of attraction. “Ok Elbert, women want a guy who is different and stands out form the crowd. A man who is confident enough to take charge. Understand?”

“Yes.” Elbert replies

“Good. Now go out and be confident. And don’t forget to come across as different.”

Do you honestly think that poor Elbert is going to have any success with women? Definitely not. It’s all well and good telling people what women want and what type of man they should be in order to attract women, but the question is, HOW do you become that man?

This is a question that natural game cannot answer. It is however, one that can be answered by un natural game.

Un-natural game (Routine game)

Routine game is based on the belief that seduction is a linear process that has a step by step nature that is always the same. There is also the belief that by using a series of pre written lines and routines said at certain points, one can hit a woman’s ‘attraction switches’ and eventually lead her into bed. Basically it has this attitude “say these lines and you’ll get laid”

Pros- Routine game is extremely easy to teach and learn as it presents seduction in a sort of criteria. Those who start of learning routine game are often the ones that get more first time successes because the concepts behind their routines are built to attract women.

Cons- Most people who use un-natural game become reliant on routines. They simply go out and say the lines without understanding the concept behind those lines. This limits the PUA greatly as he is only limited to the amount of word for word knowledge his has in his head. He can no longer think for himself.

Another con is that those who study routine game will only be able to get results with girls who follow a certain social criteria for conversation. If for some reason the PUA is faced with a social situation for which he has no material, he cannot interact in that situation. This is extremely limiting.

Putting it all together.

Now that we have a better understand of what natural an un natural game is, we can now move forward to extracting the pros from both methods to create the ultimate type of game: A hybrid of natural and routine game. We must take the importance of understanding concepts from natural game and fuse it with the importance of using routines as a means of example.  I many cases this has already been done by those who are highly experienced PUAs. While natural game had the idea of understanding concepts, they did not have a means to effectively teach it. And while routine game had the ability to get fast and quick results due to easy to learn methods, they were limited by their lack understanding of the concepts of their own routines.

Let’s take the concept of negs and disqualification for example. Most people think if you tell a girl that she has a cute Bugs Bunny over bite, is will feel attracted to you just because of the words you said, like it’s a magic spell or something. This is NOT TRUE. It’s not WHAT you say to the girl that counts, its the CONCEPT. So what is the concept behind this example? WHY is she affected by the neg and HOW does it affect her?? It affects her because she is a perfect 10 and no normal guy would have the balls to something like which immediately makes you stand out from the crowd. It also shows that you aren’t interested in her physical looks which again will make you stand out from any other guy. This is WHY it affects her.     Because you stand out from the crowd, you are immediately seen as something valuable and rare and that will contribute to the generation of attraction. This is HOW it affects her.

Now that I have understood the concept behind the neg, I don’t have to go home and look for more on the internet, I can simply come up with my own negs and disqualifications and determine their nature according to the situation at hand. This in term makes then much more effective. This is how we become socially calibrated and learn to develop our own styles of game.

This is why it is so vitally important to understand the concepts behind your routines.  

This, in a way, breeds a totally new way of effectively mastering game. Adam Lyons was one of the first PUAs to properly master calibration game. although it is not a fusion of routines and concepts, he understood that it was a lot more effective to understand basic concepts and then learn them using routines as examples. Learning through example has always been the best way to understand something, and when it comes to picking up women, there is no deviation from that fact.

How do I sarge my girlfriend..........??

I’ve been getting a lot of novice PUAs asking me questions on gaming tips for girls they are already dating. A close friend, and very accomplished PUA, of mine recently asked me for advice on how to make his relationship with this girl exciting. After showing me photos of her (she is a 9) I could see that she was definitely the party type of girl with a very outgoing personality. When he asked me for advice on how to make things more exciting to prevent her from leaving, I simply told him to be himself. Now im sure many PUAs would shoot me dead for giving such armature advice but what most novice, and even some advanced, PUAs don’t understand is that there is no material nor is there even such a thing as ‘relationship game’.

If you know Mysteries M3 model, it states that there are 3 stages to successfully courting with a woman: Attraction, comfort and seduction. (no I am not a Mystery maniac, but the M3 model is great contribution to the study on pickup as reference material)    Anyway. When we look at the M3 model, or any model in the game for that fact, we notice one thing: all the models end with seduction. Because of this, many people tend to think it is the last stage of any relationship with a girl. This is entirely UNTRUE.

As PUAs, we learnt the art of seduction: meet, attract, seduce, close. And that’s it. That’s all we are taught. But where does it go from there??? I have learnt the art of getting women into bed using my smooth routines and such, but how do I keep her here?? Basically, the big question is:

“Now that I have seduced this girl and she is attracted to me, how do I keep her as my girlfriend?”

Most PUAs will answer, “Well if you’ve built up enough attraction with her and you know she wants a relationship you can just ask her flat out.” Which is true, BUT. That doesn’t answer the question. Yes as PUAs we are taught how to GET a girlfriend, but we are not taught how to KEEP a girlfriend.

When it comes to getting laid, we are gods. But when it comes to having a relationship, we only know the first three steps: attraction, comfort and seduction.

in a relationship[ the are still further stages one must go through such as affection, devotion and support. And the game teaches us none of these.

Basically what is happening, is that the game is teaching us how to become brilliant seducers, but it has never taught us how to be brilliant boyfriends and husbands. This I find rather disturbing as it has led to some grave consequences.

I find that a lot of PUAs (especially those between the years of 1 to 3 years f experience) are finding it extremely difficult to maintain committed relationships and I believe that one of the reasons for this may be because guys who know the game ONLY know how to seduce and because of that they are too afraid to step out of there comfort zones into unknown territories such as committed relationships.

Understanding how routines and calibration affect our relationships

When I come across a guy who is struggling with this particular problem it tells me several things about him: he is not well social calibrated, he is very reliant on routines, and he struggles to understand concepts of game. The reason why certain guys tend to have the need to sarge their girlfriends is because they have not grasped the purpose of why routines exist. Newbeis are taught routines simply because they act as examples. Behind every routine there is a concept and more than often, those concepts are ignored. We need to understand HOW and WHY our routines work. By doing this we are able to become more knowledgeable of our social methods and therefor become more socially calibrated. By learning how to adapt to social situations that we aren’t prepared for, we start learning how to identify, evaluate and solve social problems by ourselves so when we do enter into a committed relationship, there will be no need for routines.

The game does not hinder our ability to commit as many people would think. If taught and understood in the correct way, the game can, if anything, helps us to solve social miscommunications in our committed relationship.

I strongly advise any guys that are new, or thinking of getting into the game to make sure that you develop both as an effective seducer as well as an effective boyfriend and to make sure that you understand and put into practice the concept of social calibration to ensure that you will have no need for canned material should you come across a social problem you have no answer to.




There are books however, dedicated to helping those in need with relationship issues. The best book i recomend for such problems would be Men are from Mars and Women ar from Venus by John Grey.

How to kiss a girl.

For some, bridging the infinite gap that separates you from kissing the amazing girl that you are with can be an extremely difficult thing to do. There you are sitting alone with her, a shy smile spreads across her face, she licks her lips, you get a bit closer and… nothing happens. You don’t kiss her, shit gets a bit awkward and you end up going home hating yourself wondering what it would be like if you did kiss and hating yourself for not doing it.  Yes this is a common event for many guys out there. 

Kissing a girl can indeed be quite the challenge but from personal experience, after making out with over one hundred girls in my life time, kissing a girl has become easier for me than approaching her.  The only way you get rid of that fear is to just do it and hope for the best. 

But sometimes that isn’t enough. Maybe you do have the balls to pull the trigger and you have tried it time and time again but you just keep getting shut down. The problem here is either you have not built up enough attraction with her yet or you are going in for the kiss at the wrong time.

How to kiss a girl

The first step to kissing a girl properly is to know when she wants to kiss you. Once you have built up enough attraction with the girl and you two are having your own personal conversation, you start the process of initiating a kiss.

Step 1- Start triangular gazing.

Triangular gazing is a technique whereby you look at her left eye, then her right eye, then her lips. Then back to her left, back to her right, then to her lips again. This is a way for to tell her that you want to kiss her without the risk of rejection.

Step 2- Lick your lips

While doing triangular gazing, every time you look at her lips lick yours slightly. By now there should be a good chemistry in the air and she should be giving you all the same signs you have been giving her.

Step 3- Reading the signs

When girls want to make out, they give off a certain series of body language signs:

-Licking her lips

-Staring at your lips

-Constantly putting on lip balm

-Playing with her necklace

-Biting her lips

-Pursing her lips

-If her face is less than 30 centimeters away from yours

All these are definite signs that she wants to kiss you.

Step 4- Saying the routine

Once you have confirmation that she wants to kiss you, you can now initiate a routine. Something that will bring the fact that you want to kiss each other to the surface. Here are some routines:

Routine 1 (credited to Mystery)

YOU “Would you like to kiss me?”

GIRL “No”

YOU “Well I never said you could. It just looked like you had something on your mind”

OR

GIRL "Yes”

Say nothing and just kiss her

OR

GIRL “Maybe/I don’t know”

YOU “Well let’s find out” and kiss her.

Routine 2

YOU “I don’t know what it is, but im under the impression that you want to make out with me.”

If she responds positively by smiling or getting a little bit shy, make strong eye contact, hold her chin, and kiss her.

If she responds negatively just say “Oh. I was wondering why you kept licking your lips and looking at mine.”

Routine 3

YOU “I have to ask. What’s stopping you from kissing me?”

If she responds positively but says “I don’t want to kiss you.”

YOU “You’re a bad liar.”

If she smiles or laughs, kiss her.

OR

YOU “I have to ask. What’s stopping you from kissing me?”

If she responds negatively and says “I don’t want to kiss you.”

You look her deep in the eye, start leaning close as if you're about to kiss her then say slowly “I know. I’m just fucking with you.” then smile as if the jokes on her.

OR

YOU “I have to ask. What’s stopping you from kissing me?”

If she responds positively but says nothing or something like “I don’t know.”, kiss her.

Routine 4 (credited to Sinn)

YOU “You know I’m probably going to try kiss you by the end of the night.”

If she responds positively, kiss her.

If she responds negatively, say with a smile as if you aren’t even affected “Oh well. It was worth a try.” and act as if nothing even happened.

And that is how to kiss a girl. Remember, not too much tongue at first.

One more tip I would like to share with you is never to be affected if you get rejected. The girl already feels bad for rejecting you as she knows it will most likely cause an awkward moment. By you acting as if you couldn’t give two shits whether she rejected you or not, she will see that as incredibly attractive.

Role play.

Role play is an awesome way of building attraction with a woman you have just met or have known for a while. The concept of role play is basically pretending that you and the girl are either married or dating. Obviously this little act is completely half hearted and shouldn’t be taken seriously.

Role play is extremely fun and can easily be initiated early in the interaction. Basically you will each assume the role of husband and wife or boyfriend and girlfriend that are deeply in love, can’t stand each other, getting divorced or all of them.

Let’s say you’ve met this girl and you’ve been talking for about 5 minutes. It’s clear she is interested however she has not shown any solid IOIs.  By initiating role play, it will establish a strong connection between you.

Psychology behind role play

By establishing yourself as a make believe couple, 2 things happen in her mind.

One- You come across as humorous, fun and cocky which she will find highly attractive

Two- Even though she knows it’s just fun and games, she will still picture herself being in relationship with you. Her subconscious mind associates her being with you with good and happy emotions.

Cocky funny is essential

When doing role play you have to be able to pull off a cocky funny attitude. Role play is ALWAYS playful and NEVER serious. The minute it loses its playfulness it becomes useless and you become creepy

Sexual escalation

The great thing about role play is that you can really push it to the max without fear of being seen as to sexual. Saying things like “The only reason I divorced you was because you were terrible in bed. I don’t want to be in a relationship where I always have to fake it.” Not only is this cocky and funny but it also acts as a tease.

Kino in role play

Role is great for kino escalation. You can find lots of excuses to build kino without making her feel uncomfortable. Let’s say you’re in a set. You could say something like, “She’s a terrible girlfriend. She doesn’t even hold my hand when we go out just like she is now.” Then stick out your hand as if expecting her to hold it. Depending on her level of attraction towards you she will most likely hold your hand. When she does say, “That’s better.” If she doesn’t hold your hand say, “See what I mean?? A terrible girlfriend.”

Proposal props

I love proposal props because it acts as a little token that she can keep that reminds of good memories with you. After you have ‘divorced’ her and now ‘settled your difference’ you can now get remarried. Use anything as a proposal prop (a plastic ring, a piece of your jewellery, a bottle cap, a bottle, an elastic, a packet of sugar, anything. Tell her, “You know what, you aren’t so bad after all. I’m re marrying you. I’m broke at the moment so this is your temporary wedding ring.” and give her the proposal prop. After that she might keep it, leave it somewhere, throw it at you, it doesn’t matter what she does, so long as it gets a smile out of her.

Always be dominant

During role make sure that you always assume the dominant role. Make sure that you divorce her and she doesn’t divorce you. Always accuse her for being a bad girlfriend and bad in bed. Also never ask her to marry you, tell her that you are going to marry her. “I’ve decided, we getting married.” Assume the role of control.

How to initiate role-play

There are two ways to start role play. One is when you are “getting together” and the other is when you act as if you are already together and are now “breaking up”

Getting together- When you two agree on something or find a commonalty you can say “Oh my word! You love mayonnaise too? So do I! That’s it we dating. You’re my new girlfriend ok?”

“Haha. Ok!”

“But you have to promise to be a good girlfriend. And you’re only allowed to kiss another person if it’s a girl and I’m involved.” 

Another way to initiate getting together is by telling them how you are tired of being a player and you are ready to settle down “Yea I’m tired of being a player. I’m ready to settle down now. You’re my new girlfriend ok?”

Breaking up- This is when you pretend that you are already together. When she does something stupid or disagrees with you on something you can say “You know what? You’re a terrible girlfriend. I’m breaking up with you.”

“Haha. Just because I don’t like mayonnaise??”

“Yes. I need a girl who can share my passion for mayonnaise and you don’t seem to be that girl. Also, you’re terrible in bed” the common response to this is shocked faces and big smiles from girls. You also might get a playful smack which is an IOI

When to start role play

Only start role play after you hit the hook point and gotten some IOIs. Once you have a good level of interest from her and you can feel the attraction is starting to generate, hit her with role play. If you start role play too soon you might come across as too flirty too soon. Hitting role play at the right moment is not necessarily essential, but it does work more effectively at the correct time.

Put her on the emotional roller-coaster.

During role play you can put her through a series of situations. Get divorced, have kids, have affairs, fight for marital assets, fight over who keeps the Merc, get back together, get re married, get divorced again. By putting her on this emotional roller coaster she will relay begin to invest a lot of emotional connection into you and this will only serve to build up attraction. 

 Routines

With role play you really have to be able to think on your feet if you want to get the maximum result out of it. However not all people are that creative and prefer to use routines and gambits here are some clever lines you can use for different situations.

“I’ve already told you I want 50% of the assets. You can keep the kids but I’m keeping Walter (the gold fish)”

“One of the reasons I divorced you was because our sex life was so bad. I just can’t be in a relationship where I always have to fake my orgasms.”

“Fine. We can get back together but only if you get rid of that blow up doll of Jonny Depp that you keep under the bed. That thing freaks me out.”

“Just admit it, you’re a crazy nymphomaniac who only married me for my money and the sex.”

Changing without changing yourself (deep psychological inner game)

Many people are afraid of change especially when it comes to personal change. More than often people want to improve themselves but don’t in fear of losing you they are as individuals. They believe that by transforming from an introvert to an extravert, they are in fact changing who they truly are and so they don’t take the first step to improvisation.

In order to help people change they need to understand that there are 2 selves: The primary self and the secondary self.

But before we take a further exploration into our selves, it is vital to first understand the influence people have on us.

. As people, we grow up in a world where we constantly learn from others. We adopt the habits of the people we surround ourselves with. This is not a sign of insecurity. Everybody dose this. It’s just the way we are by nature.

And friends and family play a detrimental role in the way we perceive ourselves. Very often you believe the judgements of others over the knowledge that you have of yourself. Very often this is the case with insecure people. People constantly tell them they aren’t good enough and they can’t do this and that. You go through life hearing what people think of you and eventually you start to believe it. You think, “Well if everybody says I suck with women, then it must be true.” And so from that moment forward you see yourself as a guy who can’t get women and because you believe that, it becomes true.

The people you have spent your life with have moulded you into the person you are today, so please feel free to fully blame your friends and family for the way you turned out.

 The same way an insecure person is made, so is an alpha male. All his life people have told him that he is an awesome guy and a ladies man. So he believes them and therefor becomes exactly that. A ladies man. He feels good about himself because other people feel good about him. This is called a mind-set.

We are constantly adjusting they we act and behave and even the way we feel about things according to what other people do and say. For example; If you’re  a high school student and you forget about a project and it’s the due date, if you are the only person in your class that has not done the project you feel like a bit of a fool, but as soon as you discover that 2 other people have also forgotten their projects you immediately feel liberated from any embarrassment. This for me is a very interesting phenomenon. We have the mind-set, “If everybody ells does it. Then its ok.” even if the action is not ok at all, we still feel better when we know there are other people sharing the same boat we are in. This shows us how psychologically dependant we are on each other and how much of and influence people really have on us.

Now that we understand how influential people really are on us, we can began to understand the dynamics of the primary and secondary self.

The primary self

The primary self is who you are as an individual person and who you have become without the influence of other people. These are the characteristics you develop from personal experience such as our natural talents, our intellect, how creative we are, whether we are visual or audible or kinaesthetic thinkers ect. These traits with make up our primary self are determined with in the first 2 years of our life and stick with us for the rest of our lives. They will always be who we really are for two reasons. One: When we are born the neurological connections in our brains are not fully developed, in other words, our brains are like empty canvases but as soon we come into the world that canvas starts to fill up. Up until the age of 3 our brains act like sponges absorbing everything we experience through the 5 senses. If the child spends his first 3 years in presence of music and sounds then he will most likely become an audible thinker. If the child’s first three years is mostly dominated by images and colour then the child will become a visual think. These are just some examples. These traits are embedded into the permanent neural pathways of our brain and thus becomes the core of who we really are. These are neutral traits, neither good or bad an completely objective.

The second reason is that we learn our greatest lessons for personal experience. And that almost becomes impossible after the age of 2/3. This is why: Research shows that children  only become self-aware at about the age of 2 or 3. After that they begin to become more socially aware of people and how people interact with them and because we becoming socially aware of other people, we are now influenced by them. This is the point where the development of the primary self stops and the development of the secondary self begins.

The secondary self.

Our secondary self is made up of characteristics that we develop due to the influence of other people. Like the ladies man analogy, we become what we think other people think we are. At this point we start to become a little bit more complex as we mould into more psychologically extended individuals. Depending on how another people view us, we may adopt more extended characteristics such as confidence, shyness, insecure, positive or negative thinkers, humour etc and all this depend on the people we surround ourselves with. If you spend time violent people, you will become violent yourself. This is because we feel awkward when we stand out from the crowd. We want to belong because we want to be accepted. This goes back to analogy of the high school student who never did his project.  Even though our secondary self is changing due to that influence us our primary self still stay the same. If a naturally creative man who is confident goes through social ridicule that turns him into an insecure person for some time of his life, it still does not change the fact that he is naturally creative.

Think of yourself as a car. You can change the colour and design a million times, but underneath all the paintwork, it’s still the same car. People can come along and starch your paint and dent you up until you look terrible, but at the end of the day, under the body kit, you are still the same car.

This bring us to our next topic, how you present yourself is how people perceive you and how people perceive you will have an influence on how you perceive yourself.

Whether we like it or not, much or our self-worth is created by the validation we get from other people. When we enter a social situation and realize that we are well liked by other people, we immediately feel good about ourselves because we know that other people enjoy us and therefore value us. Because of this, our level of self worth rises therefore our level of self-confidence rises making us feel good about ourselves. However if we enter a social situation and miss communicate ourselves to other people, they will dislike us. Once we realize that people don’t want to be around us we feel inadequate and bad about ourselves. Because other people do not give us value we ourselves do not give us value either and because of this our sense of self-worth is lowered therefore our sense of self-confidence is lowered making us feel horrible.

This is where the second affected aspect comes in. By not effectively communicating ourselves across positively, people may get the wrong impression of us and reject us. While some people are able to socialize with ease due to the fact that they were socially calibrated since a young age, others may have been unable to grow those communication skills and now struggle socialize with other people.

The simple mistake of miss communication can result in other people having a false impression of you, which in turn may negatively affect the person psychologically.

This miscommunication is mostly the result of bad secondary self characteristics such as insecurity and lack of confidence. If we ever wish to become socially affective and well liked individuals we must take a step back and evaluate our secondary self. We must then take out all those negative traits and replace them. This is very possible as secondary self traits are not mutual; they are either good or bad. The hardest part is changing those negative traits into positive ones and we can achieve this desired change by learning how to use our reticular activation system

Your reticular activation system or RAS is the part of your brain which is responsible for extracting important information and differentiating from information that is not important. For example, you are walking through a shopping mall and you listen to all the sounds of the mall, people talking, the sound of trollies being carted around and you hear all of it but you don’t really pay attention to any of it at all, then all of a sudden somebody says your name and immediately your attention diverts towards whoever called your name. Since infancy our brains are naturally programed to respond to curtain things like the calling out of your name. Our body become used to this and we naturally gain focus when we hear it being called out.

The RAS also acts as our belief and affirmation system. It helps us achieve our gaols and does this by bring important information concerning that specific goal to our attention with otherwise would’ve just been part of the background noise.

Because the subconscious cannot tell the difference between reality and what is visualised in the mind’s eye, it will draw our attention to the things we think about in our heads. If we visualise ourselves drinking coffee, our RAS will naturally draw our attention to anything that has something to do with coffee. This is how it works on our belief system, if we believe we will have cup of coffee today, our RAS will draw our attention to drink coffee even after we have forgotten about that thought. This is why negative thinker tend to experience negative things because their RAS is only drawing their attention to the negative things and ignoring all the positive ones.

Here’s an example. Let’s say Brad Pitt believed that he was terrible with women. 1 out of the 5 women he met in a day rejected him yet the other 4 were interested. Because his visualised himself as bad with women, his RAS was programed to only seek out the situations in which women did not want him thus confirming his belief and thus only making it stronger.

By simply changing our mind-set we can use our RAS to stop focusing on all the negative things it bring to our attention and start using it to help us focus on the more positive things.

Some of the most valuable lessons I have learnt as a PUA

Why it is important to be an effective communicator

The Social Dynamic

Many people take the concept of socializing for granted. However there are many people in this world that have such bad social anxiety that they tend to cut themselves off from other people completely. This affects two major things in a person’s life. One this their own psychological development and self esteem and the other is their ability to communicate with other people effectively.

Whether we like it or not, much or our self worth is created by the validation we get from other people. When we enter a social situation and realize that we are well liked by other people, we immediately feel good about ourselves because we know that other people enjoy us and therefore value us. Because of this, our level of self worth rises therefore our level of self-confidence rises making us feel good about ourselves. However if we enter a social situation and miss communicate ourselves to other people, they will dislike us. Once we realize that people don’t want to be around us we feel inadequate and bad about ourselves. Because other people do not give us value we ourselves do not give us value either and because of this our sense of self worth is lowered therefore our sense of self-confidence is lowered making us feel horrible.

This is where the second affected aspect comes in. By not effectively communicating ourselves across positively, people may get the wrong impression of us and reject us. While some people are able to socialize with ease due to the fact that they were socially calibrated since a young age, others may have been unable to grow those communication skills and now struggle socialize with other people.

The simple mistake of miss communication can result in other people having a false impression of you, which in turn may negatively affect the person psychologically.

 

Why we need rejection.

Believe it or not, getting rejected is one of the best things that can happen to us when we first start out. As men, we face two main obstacles when it comes to socialising: Our fear of approach and our fear of rejection. Very often, our approach anxiety stem from our fear of rejection. We don’t approach because we are afraid of getting rejected.

So basically it all comes down to fear of rejection. This is a major hindrance to our social skills. It stops us from charging forward and bridging that gap between people.

It may seem ridiculous, but some people have an actual phobia of being rejected. Not as getting blown out by somebody, but by full on social rejection. You fear being made and ladled an outcast. So being rejected can seriously affect people in a really bad way. And this is where the problem begins.

The reason why some people take rejection so badly is because they arnt exposed enough to it, or because they don’t understand what it is.

So what is rejection? Simply, rejection is to decline an offer or not to accept something. It is neither negative nor positive. It is simply a decline to an offer.

There are 3 types of rejection:

Macro Rejection – being rejected on a big scale. Being rejected by a community (school or work) and being known as a ‘reject’. Falling into this category would most likely mean you assume the stereotype of nerd, loser, geek, loner ect. Fixing macro R will happen naturally as your social skills improve. People in your community we start to see the change in your behaviour and will slowly learn to appreciate your new social skills.

Micro Rejection - micro R is rejection on a small scale. We are all familiar with this tye of rejection. This is basically getting blown out. Asking for a girls number and she says no. Or approaching a group of people and getting told to go away. More than often we become devastated after this happens and here’s why.

When we get told to go away on the approach, we think “Oh no! They thinks I’m such a loser. I am a loser. That’s why they rejected me. They thought I was a loser.” And so we believe us as the person has been rejected. She rejected me because I have a bad personality. And if you believe that, me question to you is how can they? How can they reject your personality when they has never met you before. They don’t even know who you are. They isn’t rejecting you. What she is really rejecting is your approach.

Think of it like this:

So if I was to offer a girl a piece of gum, and she sais no thanks, she has declined my offer for gum and therefore rejected me. Do I feel destroyed? Not in the least.  Now let’s say I offer the girl a drink, and she says no thanks, she has declined my offer for a drink and therefor rejected me. So why do I feel so bad? Why do I feel rejected? Well, the reason for this is because we all know that buying a girl a drink is psychologically associated with sexual intension. The girl does not reject you, she only rejects your advance.

Fixing micro-R is just a case of fixing your approach.

This is the type of rejection you need to focus on. Simply realising how irrelevant micro rejection realy is, is not enough to break your fear of it. All your life you have associated micro-R with being a huge deal and a major blow to your ego. Fixing that will take correctional work. And this is where we realise why we actually need to be rejected.

The fact of the matter is, you are going to get blown out whether you like it or not, and when you do get rejected, you want to be emotionally prepared for it.

Think of rejection as the flu. You havnt been sick in 2 years when all of a sudden you get the flu and it hits you really badly. Had you been vaccinated your body would have been exposed to the virus and built up immunities so when the big one did come, your body could’ve handled it.

The same is with rejection. If you go out build up a strong immunity to rejection, you no longer become gripped with fear and when you do get rejected it doesn’t even effect you. This allows you to put all your focus on improving your social skills and you can now confidently try new techniques without being distracted by your fear of rejection.

Self Rejection - Micro rejection the easiest type of rejection to dominate however it is not the only one you need to focus on. The last type of rejection we all experience at some stage of our lives is self-rejection. More than often we reject ourselves before we even approach the group.  This is also known as self-doubt. When you doubt yourself and don’t believe you are worthy of peoples company. This is very negative thinking and can really damage your social performance. We often reject ourselves for our defects, such as our looks, our weight, our conversational skills and our social status. We often make up excuses to assure ourselves we arnt good enough.

We say things like: “I’m too fat.” “I’m not popular enough” “I’m to tall/short.”

Whatever your disadvantage may be, we often use it as an excuse to avoid approaching. To fix this you need to prove yourself wrong. Make a list of your disadvantages. Let’s say you are fat and you think because your fat you can’t get girls. So every time you go out and see a fat guy with an attractive woman, make a note of that and prove yourself wrong. Fat guys CAN get attractive women because you’ve seen it. The same applies with any other so called ‘disadvantage’ you may believe you have.

Self-R can be a terrible. But by writing down our flaws and proving ourselves wrong, we can turn self-rejection into self-acceptance.